"Like, I remember the summer I started my period, like, she started hers around the same time, and, like..."
"This must have been a soup kitchen!"
"I have no desire whatsoever to pay money to sit in a 105-degree tent and stare at a fucking hole in the ground, like, I can sit at home and look at pictures on the internet..."
"I mean, look at this! This was someone's job to make these!"
"I've been going on cruises for over 20 years. Over the last few years they've become a lot cheapter, which is great, but there are just too many common people on them now..."
"Is there a buffet here?"
"I know someone who gets Starbucks coffee three times a day. She is absolutely obsessed with Starbucks."
"That's the tomb of the unknown soldier. It's, like, a huge honor to be buried there."
I'm always amused to hear Americans complain about Americans when they are abroad. Joel and I are no different, I suppose - we roll our eyes when we hear inane commentary or conversation and complain quietly to ourselves when we hear a fellow countryman saying something mildly inappropriate really loudly. Americans are undoubtedly not the only ones who disparage their compatriates, although I am relatively certain we do it more frequently than people from most other places, but I like to think - on my part at least - it is good-natured. As obnoxious as us Yanks can sometimes be, I've never met a fellow American abroad who was rude or nasty, and they are unfailingly helpful if we happen to be in need.
Unfortunately, the abundance of them in Europe this time of year led to the beginnings of my re-entry shock somewhat sooner than I expected.
Culture shock is a well-known phenomenon (although some, like Joel, seem to be more or less immune to it), but re-entry shock seems to take more people by surprise. The idea is that you develop a heightened awareness when you live abroad and grow accustomed to having to put a lot of effort into doing everyday things like going to the grocery store or the bank, because the system is different from the one you grew up in and everything is conducted in a different language. Culture shock consists of getting used to that extra effort being required; re-entry shock is the process of coming home with that heightened awareness and toning it back down because the sensory overload makes you realize that you don't need to try that hard to do things anymore. You don't have to speak extra slowly, you don't have to gesticulate wildly to get your point across, and you don't have to use your fingers to communicate numbers.
For Joel, this means remembering that quantities go in front of nouns, rather than behind them, in Western languages - for all six weeks in Italy, he was ordering coffees in Italian using Korean syntax (i.e., "Caffe, due" instead of "Due caffe"). For me, it means mental exhaustion halfway through the day, which results in a desire to lock myself in my room and stare at job vacancies that I have already applied to.
Suffice it to say that I have had a bit of a rough time. After spending nearly two years in a place where I didn't understand any of the conversations happening within earshot, I can now understand all of them. Which means that my brain tries to listen to all of them. At the same time. Joel and I can no longer have private public conversations, because we can be understood by the people around us. Unlike beggars in Korea, who are very discreet and quiet, gypsies and peddlers in Europe are extremely aggressive and in-your-face, which is now very unsettling to me. Customer service personnel suddenly seem incredibly rude and inefficient.
Basically, my senses are completely overloaded. Everything is new again, which feels weird because it shouldn't be new, which is even more unsettling. I'm hyper aware and slightly jumpy. And when I realized two days out that I was going home and would have to deal with this while being surrounded by old friends and people that I know and have to socialize with at a wedding, I practically had an anxiety episode.
I am sitting in the Newark airport as I type this, writing in a Notepad document while waiting at the gate for my flight to Houston, the third leg of four to Dallas for the aforementioned wedding. In just over three hours I will see my mother for the first time in two years. I haven't looked forward to anything so much since my honeymoon. I am sure it will be great to see everyone, and that the wedding will be lovely, and that seeing my father and brother and stepdad and cat will be equally joyful and not make me want to punch any of them in the face.
But I probably won't be seeing anyone else after that for a while. Don't take it personally - I will most likely just be hiding in my room until the re-entry shock has passed.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
Life's Little Letdowns: Seeing the Pope and Finding a Job/Pequenas decepções da vida: vendo o Papa e arrumando um emprego
Life is full of little disappointments. I remember my first visit to the Vatican, when I came to Italy to visit Joel when he was studying abroad in 2006. I was still a very green Catholic, and enamored of all things connected to the faith, so naturally I was super excited to finally see Saint Peter's and all that jazz. Alas, I was ill prepared for the tourist trap that it actually is: crowded with people elbowing each other out of the way for pictures, talking loudly, and generally lacking any respect or reverence for a holy place. They herd tour groups through the Sistine Chapel like cattle, shouting "Silenzio!" and "No foto!" every thirty seconds or so while people jabber away loudly and try to sneak pictures anyway. Joel told me that he was horrified during one of the papal audiences he attended inside St. Peter's basilica, when people were climbing onto seats and sculptures like apes to get a better view of the pope (who - Benedict XVI at the time - looked just like Emperor Palpatine and wasn't that great of a pope anyway).
The papal address we attended two weeks ago was a similar affair. We mailed in a request for our tickets beforehand, just like we were supposed to, but when we went to pick them up the day before - after waiting in line for two hours, because you must pick up your tickets in person - they didn't have our request on file. Lucky for me, the guy at the counter felt sorry for me and gave me two tickets anyway, but when we showed up the next day over an hour early, the square was still jam-packed. We were in the middle of a gaggle of French Catholics who were deliriously excited to see His Holiness, and had colored flags to wave as he drove by in the popemobile to prove it. It was raining. I stood there in the drizzle, listening to a simple ten-minute speech on vocations get summarized in eight different languages (rather than just providing subtitles on the screens) and watching people stand on their toes just to see him (because obviously seeing him - and filming him on your smartphone - is way more important than anything he might have to say), and wondered simultaneously how an organization like the Vatican could have such piss-poor administrative capacity and why I had missed an opportunity to sleep in. After all, I can read Pope Francis' writings from the comfort of this lovely apartment any time I choose and look up his face on the internet.
Speaking of the internet, the Vatican really should learn to use it. But apparently, so should I.
I have been diligently looking for work for about a month now. Federal, state, and local government positions, as well as jobs with private firms and government contractors. Unbeknownst to me, however, these efforts have been a waste...because I was unaware that, in order for my resume to even reach a pair of human eyes, I apparently have to outsmart a fucking computer.
Call me stupid, or ignorant, or old-fashioned. My first "real" job was a fellowship that I applied for by sending in paper materials; for the position after that, I simply sent in my resume and a cover letter, and got a call a week later. We got our positions in Korea by using a recruiter. I have done the job application dance plenty of times and have always had at least one or two interviews each time; there were plenty of positions I never heard back from and lots of rejections, but I always figured it was because of my relative lack of experience. This time, however - with five years of solid work experience under my belt - I was wondering why I was having the same experience. I chatted with a former colleague from the Texas health department who got an interview, and she told me that you have to copy and paste words and phrases from the vacancy to get past the computer that screens your resume.
I dug a bit further and discovered that apparently every major company and government agency uses resume screening software to filter applications using "key words" from the vacancy announcement, then rank the resumes according to relevance. So if, for example, "oral communication" is listed as a required skill in the vacancy, listing that I was a teacher for a year and half will do me no good unless I write ridiculous sentences like "Used oral communication extensively to fulfill position requirements." Need to know how to use Outlook? Never mind that an ape could use Microsoft Outlook, or that any time in any government agency means that you have used it; if you don't use the words "Microsoft Outlook" in the list of responsibilities, your application gets tossed by the software. Don't list an address? Tossed out. List your contact information in a header? The software can't read it, and your resume is tossed. "We'll keep your application on file"? Don't bet on it.
To a certain extent, I understand the need for this. I read one anecdote of an engineering job that received 25,000 resumes. The internet means that now, quite literally, anyone can apply for any job, regardless of whether or not they are even remotely qualified. In fact, from what I read this weekend, about half of the several thousand applicants per vacancy don't even have the basic qualifications listed in the announcement. So if you are having trouble finding work, blame the newly-graduated psychology major who is sending off his resume to every single vacancy that he can find during his wine-soaked late-night trolling of job vacancies on Monster.com.
Like me, I think a lot of people don't quite believe it, but I tried it anyway just to see if anything would be different. On Friday, I applied for three positions with the Texas health department, carefully copying and pasting words and phrases from the job posting into logical parts of my resume. Lo and behold, today the website tells me that I am currently being "screened" for one of them, which is more than I can say for the other 30-some-odd jobs that just say "Application Complete" or "Not Selected."
Progress, I suppose, but it doesn't fix the dozens of resumes I have already sent into various HR black holes before I figured this out. My goal now is to secure a permanent government job where I can be slightly inefficient, get awesome benefits, and never be fired. I have been lighting candles in churches all over Rome in prayer for such an opportunity.
If all else fails, I suppose Korean hagwons will always be there.
The papal address we attended two weeks ago was a similar affair. We mailed in a request for our tickets beforehand, just like we were supposed to, but when we went to pick them up the day before - after waiting in line for two hours, because you must pick up your tickets in person - they didn't have our request on file. Lucky for me, the guy at the counter felt sorry for me and gave me two tickets anyway, but when we showed up the next day over an hour early, the square was still jam-packed. We were in the middle of a gaggle of French Catholics who were deliriously excited to see His Holiness, and had colored flags to wave as he drove by in the popemobile to prove it. It was raining. I stood there in the drizzle, listening to a simple ten-minute speech on vocations get summarized in eight different languages (rather than just providing subtitles on the screens) and watching people stand on their toes just to see him (because obviously seeing him - and filming him on your smartphone - is way more important than anything he might have to say), and wondered simultaneously how an organization like the Vatican could have such piss-poor administrative capacity and why I had missed an opportunity to sleep in. After all, I can read Pope Francis' writings from the comfort of this lovely apartment any time I choose and look up his face on the internet.
Speaking of the internet, the Vatican really should learn to use it. But apparently, so should I.
I have been diligently looking for work for about a month now. Federal, state, and local government positions, as well as jobs with private firms and government contractors. Unbeknownst to me, however, these efforts have been a waste...because I was unaware that, in order for my resume to even reach a pair of human eyes, I apparently have to outsmart a fucking computer.
Call me stupid, or ignorant, or old-fashioned. My first "real" job was a fellowship that I applied for by sending in paper materials; for the position after that, I simply sent in my resume and a cover letter, and got a call a week later. We got our positions in Korea by using a recruiter. I have done the job application dance plenty of times and have always had at least one or two interviews each time; there were plenty of positions I never heard back from and lots of rejections, but I always figured it was because of my relative lack of experience. This time, however - with five years of solid work experience under my belt - I was wondering why I was having the same experience. I chatted with a former colleague from the Texas health department who got an interview, and she told me that you have to copy and paste words and phrases from the vacancy to get past the computer that screens your resume.
I dug a bit further and discovered that apparently every major company and government agency uses resume screening software to filter applications using "key words" from the vacancy announcement, then rank the resumes according to relevance. So if, for example, "oral communication" is listed as a required skill in the vacancy, listing that I was a teacher for a year and half will do me no good unless I write ridiculous sentences like "Used oral communication extensively to fulfill position requirements." Need to know how to use Outlook? Never mind that an ape could use Microsoft Outlook, or that any time in any government agency means that you have used it; if you don't use the words "Microsoft Outlook" in the list of responsibilities, your application gets tossed by the software. Don't list an address? Tossed out. List your contact information in a header? The software can't read it, and your resume is tossed. "We'll keep your application on file"? Don't bet on it.
To a certain extent, I understand the need for this. I read one anecdote of an engineering job that received 25,000 resumes. The internet means that now, quite literally, anyone can apply for any job, regardless of whether or not they are even remotely qualified. In fact, from what I read this weekend, about half of the several thousand applicants per vacancy don't even have the basic qualifications listed in the announcement. So if you are having trouble finding work, blame the newly-graduated psychology major who is sending off his resume to every single vacancy that he can find during his wine-soaked late-night trolling of job vacancies on Monster.com.
Like me, I think a lot of people don't quite believe it, but I tried it anyway just to see if anything would be different. On Friday, I applied for three positions with the Texas health department, carefully copying and pasting words and phrases from the job posting into logical parts of my resume. Lo and behold, today the website tells me that I am currently being "screened" for one of them, which is more than I can say for the other 30-some-odd jobs that just say "Application Complete" or "Not Selected."
Progress, I suppose, but it doesn't fix the dozens of resumes I have already sent into various HR black holes before I figured this out. My goal now is to secure a permanent government job where I can be slightly inefficient, get awesome benefits, and never be fired. I have been lighting candles in churches all over Rome in prayer for such an opportunity.
If all else fails, I suppose Korean hagwons will always be there.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
We're Going Back to Texas - For Now/Voltamos para o Texas - por enquanto
In Italy the Communists have met & decided they’re not Communists
They’re gonna change their name to be more appealing to the Socialists and the Greens
But for the time being they’re calling themselves simply The Thing
The Thing! Personally, I’m planning to vote for -- the Thing
For the time being For the time being
There’s nothing left anymore except for the time being
You live your whole life for the time being
While meanwhile -- there is no meanwhile
Bob Holman, "1990"
Apparently, the road to DC goes through Texas.
After an agonizing month of waiting, American University finally got back to Joel with an admissions decision. Well, that's not entirely correct - they got back to Joel, but not with an admissions decision. He has been wait-listed. After sending out a smattering of acceptances during the second week of March, their admissions panel has been dragging their feet while applicants wait and fret and tear their hair out (at least, that's what it sounds like from the grad school forums that Joel has been perusing). Meanwhile, UT'S LBJ school has already returned with a financial aid offer (including some grant money - woo!), so it seems that the question of where we will be going has been answered for us, at least in the short term.
Unfortunately, I still do not have a job.
Up until yesterday, I had been applying to vacancies in both Austin and DC like mad. Now that Joel has decided he is going to UT, I can focus my efforts on Texas, but I will need to cast a wider net and start applying for jobs in Houston as well. If I can't get a position in Austin, I can always live with my family in Houston. I always swore I would never move back in with my parents, and the prospect of only seeing my husband on weekends is unsavory at best, but it is a financial net zero, at least. And on the flipside, my mother will be over the moon.
However, there is now another opportunity/complication in the works. On a whim, I applied for a position with the Public Health Service Commissioned Corps back in February (many thanks to my super-organized mother-in-law, who collected all of the materials and mailed them off for me). For those of you who don't know, the PHSCC is one of the (apparently) seven uniformed services of the US government, which - along with the NOAA Commissioned Corps - consists only of commissioned officers and is a non-combatant service (so my mother doesn't freak out). They got back to me last week, requesting an in-depth medical exam, which my friend (who currently works for them) tells me is a good sign. If I pass the interview stage, I'll be professionally boarded and commissioned once I get a federal position. I have already started training for the physical fitness test (in case you missed it, I am terrible at pushups) and will need to schedule my medical evaluation when I get back stateside. The catch, of course, is that there are no available positions in Austin or Houston, so I will probably wind up taking a position in DC, since that is where Joel will find work after he finishes his degree anyway. Either way, it is looking increasingly likely that we will be separated soon, and may have to spend a year or two living apart. Pooh.
For the most part, though, I am just glad that we have some sense of direction now. The anxiety of not knowing where we were going was really getting under my skin.
Meanwhile, we have been enjoying our quiet life here on the outskirts of Rome. Some days we stay in; on others, we go sightseeing. Yesterday, we went to St. Paul's Outside the Wall, one of four major basilicas in Rome (and, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful). We have been to the Borghese and Barberini art galleries, plus a modern art gallery on this side of town, and a handful of churches and basilicas and public parks. The weather has been lovely, and all the trees and flowers are in full bloom. The only thing our spring is missing is cherry blossoms, but I say the wisteria makes up for it.
They’re gonna change their name to be more appealing to the Socialists and the Greens
But for the time being they’re calling themselves simply The Thing
The Thing! Personally, I’m planning to vote for -- the Thing
For the time being For the time being
There’s nothing left anymore except for the time being
You live your whole life for the time being
While meanwhile -- there is no meanwhile
Bob Holman, "1990"
Apparently, the road to DC goes through Texas.
After an agonizing month of waiting, American University finally got back to Joel with an admissions decision. Well, that's not entirely correct - they got back to Joel, but not with an admissions decision. He has been wait-listed. After sending out a smattering of acceptances during the second week of March, their admissions panel has been dragging their feet while applicants wait and fret and tear their hair out (at least, that's what it sounds like from the grad school forums that Joel has been perusing). Meanwhile, UT'S LBJ school has already returned with a financial aid offer (including some grant money - woo!), so it seems that the question of where we will be going has been answered for us, at least in the short term.
Unfortunately, I still do not have a job.
Up until yesterday, I had been applying to vacancies in both Austin and DC like mad. Now that Joel has decided he is going to UT, I can focus my efforts on Texas, but I will need to cast a wider net and start applying for jobs in Houston as well. If I can't get a position in Austin, I can always live with my family in Houston. I always swore I would never move back in with my parents, and the prospect of only seeing my husband on weekends is unsavory at best, but it is a financial net zero, at least. And on the flipside, my mother will be over the moon.
However, there is now another opportunity/complication in the works. On a whim, I applied for a position with the Public Health Service Commissioned Corps back in February (many thanks to my super-organized mother-in-law, who collected all of the materials and mailed them off for me). For those of you who don't know, the PHSCC is one of the (apparently) seven uniformed services of the US government, which - along with the NOAA Commissioned Corps - consists only of commissioned officers and is a non-combatant service (so my mother doesn't freak out). They got back to me last week, requesting an in-depth medical exam, which my friend (who currently works for them) tells me is a good sign. If I pass the interview stage, I'll be professionally boarded and commissioned once I get a federal position. I have already started training for the physical fitness test (in case you missed it, I am terrible at pushups) and will need to schedule my medical evaluation when I get back stateside. The catch, of course, is that there are no available positions in Austin or Houston, so I will probably wind up taking a position in DC, since that is where Joel will find work after he finishes his degree anyway. Either way, it is looking increasingly likely that we will be separated soon, and may have to spend a year or two living apart. Pooh.
For the most part, though, I am just glad that we have some sense of direction now. The anxiety of not knowing where we were going was really getting under my skin.
Meanwhile, we have been enjoying our quiet life here on the outskirts of Rome. Some days we stay in; on others, we go sightseeing. Yesterday, we went to St. Paul's Outside the Wall, one of four major basilicas in Rome (and, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful). We have been to the Borghese and Barberini art galleries, plus a modern art gallery on this side of town, and a handful of churches and basilicas and public parks. The weather has been lovely, and all the trees and flowers are in full bloom. The only thing our spring is missing is cherry blossoms, but I say the wisteria makes up for it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)