My best friend got engaged last week. She goes home to visit her family about once every 18 months or so, and this time she brought her boyfriend, a lively Scottish man with a playful sense of humor, with her. Everyone seemed to know what it was about: her family and friends on both sides of the world apparently all saw it coming, so when she made her phone calls to all her girlfriends, they squealed with delight and rejoiced with her that she would finally be joining the marriage bandwagon.
That is, everyone except me.
I can't really say that I was surprised, either - as soon as I saw that it was her calling, I knew what was up - but when she told me before leaving that she was not ready to get engaged and had no intention of doing so on the trip, I (perhaps foolishly) believed her. So when she rattled off the story of his rather unimpressive proposal (in her parents' garage, with no romance or fanfare), made in spite of the fact that she had asked him to wait, I held back my internal cringe, smiled, and offered a muted congratulations.
We had a fight about it over Skype a few days later.
I have been doing a lot of hard thinking about what it means to be a good and faithful friend, and trying to figure out if those two are somehow mutually exclusive. The aforementioned friend has always said that she believes that "honesty is the best policy" in just about every situation. While I have pretty much always disagreed with her, I did believe it to be true within friendships...until now.
Case study #1: When I was in college, I made a friend while living in a Catholic community house the summer after my freshman year. She was a beautiful girl, gentle and cheerful, and it seemed like nearly every guy at the university Catholic student center wanted to date her. Somehow, she managed to pick the absolute worst one. He belittled her, disrespected her (hell, he showed up over an hour late to their first two dates), repeatedly broke his promises to her, and one night she even showed me an e-mail exchange between him and some woman he'd met online that indicated that he was cheating on her. All of her roommates and her sisters told her over and over again that he was bad news and that she deserved better. And she cut us all out of her life and stayed with him, until she dropped out of college and moved back home, and her father finally confronted her about it. Now she is married to a much better man, but it was over a year before she started talking to me again.
Case study #2: After moving back to Texas from Cincinnati, Joel and I were happy to plug back into our old group of friends (and make some new ones, too). We were all a pretty close-knit group, and in groups like that there are very few secrets. One of my girlfriends was really distraught when she and I discovered (what we thought was) really strong evidence that a mutual friend was cheating on his girlfriend. Several of us went around in circles trying to decide what to do about it, until I finally decided I was tired of it all, and just called her. I told her that I didn't know anything for certain, and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it just didn't feel right. The end result: they both stopped talking to me, moved in together, and eventually got married.
Sometimes we fear that our friends are in questionable, harmful, or destructive relationships, and sometimes we know they are in them. But does it ever do any good to point it out? Does it make you a good friend to be the voice of reason, or to present evidence of infidelity, or even to voice concerns? The logical answer seems to be yes, but now I am not so sure. In all of my experience, and in all the stories I have ever heard told like the ones above, the person confronted always chooses their significant other, without fail. Never once has someone taken the counsel of their friend to heart. Instead, more often than not, they shut them out of their life completely.
Back to my recently engaged friend. She has only really known him well for about five months now. I have never met him in person, but based on the 10-minute Skype conversation I had with him once, I like him a lot, and I am glad that he makes her happy. But based on some details of his past history, and the age difference (she is 27 and he is 36), I just think that it would be prudent for them to date for a while before getting hitched. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only person in her life calling for restraint. We got into a spat when she called me while waiting for her flight. Turns out she didn't like his proposal either, and she was also uncomfortable with getting engaged so soon - basically, the same things that were bothering me - but she was upset with me because she "needed me to be excited for her."
What?
What does it mean to be a good friend - should we place value on being honest, or being comforting? Should we wish our friends to be well or to be happy, when those two seem to oppose each other? Is it our duty to share fully in joy or sorrow that may not be good for our friends?
Does it make me a good friend to confront someone with the reality that they are being disrespected or abused by the person they love, if they are not willing to face it? Does presenting someone with evidence of infidelity make me a faithful friend, or just nosy, or both? Conversely, can I call myself a good friend if I see them being cuckolded and stay silent? Where do you draw the line between minding your own business and being a faithful friend? Can that line even be drawn? More importantly, how would I react to friends bringing these same concerns to me?
Friendships are difficult here. We create bonds so much more quickly than back home, because our time here is so short (at least for most of us), and it is so hard to know where the traditional boundaries fall. It's hard not to wonder if it is worth making friends at all.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Winter Blues: Easily Cured by Epic Ski Trips
So I knew that it had been a long time since I had written anything on this blog, but I didn't realize that it had been over a month until I logged on to update just now. I have been telling myself for the last few weeks or so that I needed to write, but slogging through this winter had just made me...sluggish. Lazy. Though I undoubtedly seem wimpy to people who have experienced "real" winters (e.g. in Nebraska, Michigan, Minnesota, or Canada), growing up in Texas simply did not prepare me for this kind of gray, extended cold. Even the year in Cincinnati didn't help - plus I absolutely hated it there, so I may not have been able to distinguish the cold-induced misery from my general distaste of the place.
I have had a legitimate case of the winter blues, pretty much since shortly after New Year's. I have had trouble waking up early, which means I have not been exercising or taking quiet time in the mornings much at all. I hate going outside, which means I haven't gone to the market or to E-mart to buy groceries, which means I haven't cooked at all. I haven't wanted to Skype (sorry friends), go out, answer e-mails, or really do anything at all...except play Fable on Xbox. I have definitely done plenty of that.
I also had a bit of disappointment earlier this month when I wanted to go see Aung San Suu Kyi accept an award for democracy here in Gwangju. My Korean teacher was gracious enough to call City Hall to get information about where the award ceremony would be, and at what time, and she even let us reschedule one of the classes so that I could go see her (there are only two of us in the class, and the other student was going to be gone that day, too, but still). Anyway, I had to take both the bus and the subway to the convention center on other side of town (a trip that took over an hour one way), and when I got there, they told me that I needed an invitation to get in. I even had a random Korean dude try to help me, but no dice. It wouldn't have been a huge deal, even, except that a friend of mine who lives right by the convention center got there early and was able to get in with the crowd that followed her into the building. Talk about a let-down.
Things have not been the greatest at work, either. Our Korean head teacher has implemented a new policy that all afternoon teachers have to be in two hours earlier than usual on the first day of the new session, ostensibly to prepare for our classes. What this actually means is that we are supposed to come in early so that we can get our test scores into the one computer shared by thirteen afternoon teachers. Unfortunately, there is always someone (usually multiple people) who isn't able to get their grades into the computer before classes start anyway...because there is only one computer for thirteen of us. On top of that, the kinder program is holding its big graduation ceremony this Friday, which puts additional strain on the kinder teachers (and, of course the Korean head teacher). Combined with the fact that we didn't have any kind of extended time off between the end of September and the New Year, and then again until last weekend...suffice it to say that tempers have run a little hot.
Luckily, the stressful monotony was broken for us last weekend with a ski trip to High1, a ski/snowboarding resort in Gangwondo (the northeastern-most province in South Korea). There is a Daegu-based travel group that organizes occasional trips to that resort, so we opted for a change of scenery and hopped onto a bus to Daegu to catch the group tour to the resort over the Lunar New Year. It was definitely a hike to get there and back - three hours from Gwangju to Daegu, and then another three to the resort - but it was absolutely worth it. We got in two full days of skiing on Sunday and Monday, and the travel group hosted a party on Sunday night.
It was really nice to meet some new people and make new friends, though we were really surprised at how few Americans were on the trip. Apparently, most of the Irish people who travel to Korea to teach wind up in Daegu, so there is a massive Irish community there; we also met lots of English and Scottish people, several South Africans, a few Aussies and Kiwis, and a couple of Canadians. There were maybe ten Americans that we met on the trip - including us. The skiing was really good, too - the nice thing about this particular resort is that it had several long beginner-level runs from the top of the mountain down to the valley, so I was able to get some good practice - and I even screwed up the courage to try some of the intermediate-level runs. In the end, we had such a good time that we are planning to go to Muju (the ski resort on our side of the peninsula, which is much closer) this coming weekend for a skiing day-trip.
I had another minor let-down this past week when I headed into church on Wednesday morning to go to Ash Wednesday Mass...and found out that they were only holding one Mass, and it was while we were at work. Seriously, guys - what kind of church only has one Mass on Ash Wednesday? That was disappointing, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude this year for Lent (or, at least, keep more of my complaints to myself). Hopefully we will start to get some warmer weather soon now that March is on its way.
If not...there is always skiing. And Game of Thrones.
I have had a legitimate case of the winter blues, pretty much since shortly after New Year's. I have had trouble waking up early, which means I have not been exercising or taking quiet time in the mornings much at all. I hate going outside, which means I haven't gone to the market or to E-mart to buy groceries, which means I haven't cooked at all. I haven't wanted to Skype (sorry friends), go out, answer e-mails, or really do anything at all...except play Fable on Xbox. I have definitely done plenty of that.
I also had a bit of disappointment earlier this month when I wanted to go see Aung San Suu Kyi accept an award for democracy here in Gwangju. My Korean teacher was gracious enough to call City Hall to get information about where the award ceremony would be, and at what time, and she even let us reschedule one of the classes so that I could go see her (there are only two of us in the class, and the other student was going to be gone that day, too, but still). Anyway, I had to take both the bus and the subway to the convention center on other side of town (a trip that took over an hour one way), and when I got there, they told me that I needed an invitation to get in. I even had a random Korean dude try to help me, but no dice. It wouldn't have been a huge deal, even, except that a friend of mine who lives right by the convention center got there early and was able to get in with the crowd that followed her into the building. Talk about a let-down.
Things have not been the greatest at work, either. Our Korean head teacher has implemented a new policy that all afternoon teachers have to be in two hours earlier than usual on the first day of the new session, ostensibly to prepare for our classes. What this actually means is that we are supposed to come in early so that we can get our test scores into the one computer shared by thirteen afternoon teachers. Unfortunately, there is always someone (usually multiple people) who isn't able to get their grades into the computer before classes start anyway...because there is only one computer for thirteen of us. On top of that, the kinder program is holding its big graduation ceremony this Friday, which puts additional strain on the kinder teachers (and, of course the Korean head teacher). Combined with the fact that we didn't have any kind of extended time off between the end of September and the New Year, and then again until last weekend...suffice it to say that tempers have run a little hot.
Luckily, the stressful monotony was broken for us last weekend with a ski trip to High1, a ski/snowboarding resort in Gangwondo (the northeastern-most province in South Korea). There is a Daegu-based travel group that organizes occasional trips to that resort, so we opted for a change of scenery and hopped onto a bus to Daegu to catch the group tour to the resort over the Lunar New Year. It was definitely a hike to get there and back - three hours from Gwangju to Daegu, and then another three to the resort - but it was absolutely worth it. We got in two full days of skiing on Sunday and Monday, and the travel group hosted a party on Sunday night.
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| Alas, we did not have a say in the color of our rented ski clothes. Luckily, Joel was pretty excited about his bright pink ski jacket. |
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| I was also happy with my much-more-subdued blue jacket...and the matching hat (now my new favorite hat) that I picked up for only W10K. |
I had another minor let-down this past week when I headed into church on Wednesday morning to go to Ash Wednesday Mass...and found out that they were only holding one Mass, and it was while we were at work. Seriously, guys - what kind of church only has one Mass on Ash Wednesday? That was disappointing, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude this year for Lent (or, at least, keep more of my complaints to myself). Hopefully we will start to get some warmer weather soon now that March is on its way.
If not...there is always skiing. And Game of Thrones.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Investigating Investigative Journalism
No, not another witty, insightful post by yours truly - just another slice of good ol' fashioned Daily Show humor. I heart Jon Stewart.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Happy New Year!/Feliz ano novo!
Happy New Year from the ROK, family and friends! Joel and I ushered in a bitterly cold New Year in good health and good spirits (in all senses) at the Gwangju Speakeasy with friends who have become our family. Still, we miss you all dearly and hope your New Year was filled with joy, loved ones, and champagne (if you like it).
Also, I hope that any drunk friends that you may have put to bed that night appreciated it as much as mine did. That's what friends are for, after all.
As I mentioned before, we signed a contract extension with our school, which means we will be staying here until the end of January next year. We are pretty happy about our decision, as it means we now have more time to pay off debt, save money (for our fabulous post-contract extended vacation), and spend time with the friends that we've made here. For me personally, it means more time to hike this country's beautiful mountains and to study Korean. Unfortunately, it also means more time spent away from our cat - we miss him terribly, but the pictures that my brother sends us occasionally help to abate the pet-loneliness (the captions are his as well). Thanks, bro.
We started a new session this month with new classes - all of the middle school, 6th grade, and advanced classes were re-sorted according to the results of the students' level-up tests, so we all have new classes with a combination of new and old students. A new session is always a little hectic, what with making sure the students get their books and finishing our lesson plans, but this has added a whole new element of confusion to the mix. We had to come in about two hours early on the first day to plan for our classes, and several of us still had curveballs (like Joel and one of his co-teachers, who found out that their books were switched five minutes before class, after they'd already made lesson plans with the ones they were originally given). On a more positive note, it's been interesting to see some of our elementary school students in these new classes, and of course all of the teachers have been exchanging intel on students that we got from each other. I always knew that my teachers talked about me in school, but dang. This puts a whole lot of things from high school into perspective. Also on the (really) positive side - it turns out that I don't have to do winter intensives this month, since no students signed up for conversation classes. That means I can go back to my yoga studio and take Korean class on weekday mornings again. Hooray!
My Korean classes have been going well, too. I started Beginner 4 on Tuesday with another teacher who is from the U.K. She is pretty cool, and we get along well - we might even become friends! Yay. I know that I am learning something, at least, because I find that I understand my students (and my Korean co-teachers) more with each day that passes. I am no stellar conversationalist - I still struggle to hold even simple exchanges - but the language is slowly opening up for me, which is always really exciting. I am toying with the idea of taking a Korean language proficiency test before I go home. We'll see how things go.
Other than that, there is no major news - we might go skiing later this month, and (if the time works with my schedule) I might get to see Aung San Suu Kyi, the Lady of Burma, give a speech at Chonnam University (!!!). She is coming here to watch the Special Olympics and accept a human rights prize awarded to her in 2004. I don't know what time she is giving her speech yet, but I have my fingers crossed that it will be before work. How cool would it be to see someone who won the Nobel Peace Prize, back when it still meant something?
Also, I hope that any drunk friends that you may have put to bed that night appreciated it as much as mine did. That's what friends are for, after all.
As I mentioned before, we signed a contract extension with our school, which means we will be staying here until the end of January next year. We are pretty happy about our decision, as it means we now have more time to pay off debt, save money (for our fabulous post-contract extended vacation), and spend time with the friends that we've made here. For me personally, it means more time to hike this country's beautiful mountains and to study Korean. Unfortunately, it also means more time spent away from our cat - we miss him terribly, but the pictures that my brother sends us occasionally help to abate the pet-loneliness (the captions are his as well). Thanks, bro.
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| hanging out with my socks. a favorite spot. |
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| assimilation complete. |
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| also he's getting fat. |
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| another favorite spot. he prefers water fresh from the tap, because he is a feline of distinguished tastes. |
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| last one you should frame this. |
We started a new session this month with new classes - all of the middle school, 6th grade, and advanced classes were re-sorted according to the results of the students' level-up tests, so we all have new classes with a combination of new and old students. A new session is always a little hectic, what with making sure the students get their books and finishing our lesson plans, but this has added a whole new element of confusion to the mix. We had to come in about two hours early on the first day to plan for our classes, and several of us still had curveballs (like Joel and one of his co-teachers, who found out that their books were switched five minutes before class, after they'd already made lesson plans with the ones they were originally given). On a more positive note, it's been interesting to see some of our elementary school students in these new classes, and of course all of the teachers have been exchanging intel on students that we got from each other. I always knew that my teachers talked about me in school, but dang. This puts a whole lot of things from high school into perspective. Also on the (really) positive side - it turns out that I don't have to do winter intensives this month, since no students signed up for conversation classes. That means I can go back to my yoga studio and take Korean class on weekday mornings again. Hooray!
My Korean classes have been going well, too. I started Beginner 4 on Tuesday with another teacher who is from the U.K. She is pretty cool, and we get along well - we might even become friends! Yay. I know that I am learning something, at least, because I find that I understand my students (and my Korean co-teachers) more with each day that passes. I am no stellar conversationalist - I still struggle to hold even simple exchanges - but the language is slowly opening up for me, which is always really exciting. I am toying with the idea of taking a Korean language proficiency test before I go home. We'll see how things go.
Other than that, there is no major news - we might go skiing later this month, and (if the time works with my schedule) I might get to see Aung San Suu Kyi, the Lady of Burma, give a speech at Chonnam University (!!!). She is coming here to watch the Special Olympics and accept a human rights prize awarded to her in 2004. I don't know what time she is giving her speech yet, but I have my fingers crossed that it will be before work. How cool would it be to see someone who won the Nobel Peace Prize, back when it still meant something?
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Holiday Rituals/Rituais de férias
Last night, our hagwon held its annual (I think) Christmas dinner party at a samgyeopsal (galbi, I think) restaurant. It was definitely a really nice place; there was plenty of food, and in good form, the school provided unlimited Chilsung cider, Coca-Cola, maekju, and soju. The departing teachers (one of our Korean English teachers, one of the secretaries, and two bus drivers are leaving) got to give goodbye speeches, and the newbies (three Korean English teachers, one new secretary, a new math teacher, and our school president's younger brother, who is apparently coming on as a bus driver and general administrator) gave "introduction" speeches. Then the president, director, and head teacher gave speeches, as well as anyone else who was so inclined (this did not include me). The drinks flowed, assigned seating was (at least partially) ignored, and fun times were had by...most. It would have been a lot nicer if they hadn't been using the same tongs to handle the raw meat and put the cooked meat on my plate. Or putting the raw and the cooked meat so close together on the table grills that they were touching. Needless to say, I didn't each much of the meat - but there was plenty of (safer) food to be had, so I definitely got my fill. Plus, I don't think any of my coworkers got sick, so I guess it turned out all right in the end.
The foreign head teacher gave a short speech and ended with the exhortation for the Korean English teachers and the foreign teachers to be closer in the coming year. As if on cue, at the end of the night our company president handed my boss an envelope of cash for all of us to go to noraebang (a.k.a. karaoke) together after dinner. At which point five of the Korean teachers produced some excuse to not stick around and promptly split. All nine foreign teachers, the three new Korean teachers, our boss, and two other Korean teachers wound up going to a huge noraebang room and ordering a bunch of alcohol. Husband promptly split (he hates noraebang), and I followed about 45 minutes later. (I waited until my boss, who has a sick two-year-old at home, left.) I think the rest of the group dispersed about an hour after that.
While I understand that the thought is very generous, I am not sure why it doesn't occur to our company president that we might already have plans for a Saturday night, especially the one before Christmas. Then again, I know I should be grateful - most of the other hagwon teachers in town are amazed that we get a Christmas dinner at all.
Still, I wish it came with awareness of food safety and hygiene.
Our school administration works very hard to try to make sure that all of the teachers (foreign and Korean) mingle and mesh well. Some things work better than others, and some people mesh better than others, but we as foreign teachers are often not quite sure what to make of it. Korea (very similar to Japan) has a huge gift-giving culture, so pretty much any holiday is an excuse to give gifts to family, friends, coworkers, and crushes. There are some really interesting "holidays" to illustrate this point. For example, we all know Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday back home to give flowers, chocolates, and other goodies.
In Japan and Korea, Valentine's Day is a holiday for women to give men chocolates, but they created a companion holiday on March 14 - "White Day" - for men to return the favor and buy chocolates for women. Korea, however, took it a step further and invented "Black Day" for single people to eat noodles with jjajang (Chinese black sauce).
And then there's Pepero Day, which is celebrated on November 11 by giving everyone you know boxes of Pepero sticks. Pepero (a copy of the Japanese "Pocky" sticks) are long, thin crackers (hence why they are given on the date 11/11) that are dipped in chocolate and sold in boxes of about 20 or so. They are deceptively innocuous - their small size and thin layer of chocolate eliminates any guilt you may feel about eating sweets, until you realize that you've consumed four boxes in one sitting (true story!). The only purpose whatsoever that this "holiday" serves is to give people way more cookies than anyone should ever eat, and to increase sales for Lotte, the Korean mega-corporation that makes them (and probably invented the holiday in the first place).
Teacher, what?
One thing that our school does (and I'm pretty sure we're the only school in the city that does this) is collect money for major life events of staff members. Every time someone gets married or has a death in the family, money is collected from everyone at the school (teachers, secretaries, and bus drivers alike) and presented to that person. They request W30,000 (about $30) from each Korean staff member, and W15,000 from each foreign teacher. I guess they charge us half because we are strangers in a strange land, but they still want to include us in the collection to make us all more cohesive. However, this year we had (I think) four weddings and one funeral, which totaled to about $150 between US. The flip side of this is that we are always welcome to attend and eat at the buffet in the wedding hall for free (and all of us almost always do), but it can still get irritating at times, because we usually would rather be excluded and just hold onto the cash. Not only that, but the Koreans usually find it strange that we would want to attend, and they don't understand that we see it as getting our money's worth.
Another thing that we do, that seems like a good idea on principle, is have a birthday collection. Every other month, we each contribute W10,000 to the birthday fund, which is used to buy a cake once a month and give W20,000 as birthday money for everyone enjoying a birthday that month. Unfortunately, this isn't always put into practice flawlessly. For example, one of my coworkers didn't even get any of her birthday cake, because the cake was brought in right before she had to go to class, and everyone else ate the whole thing before she got back. (Because of this, I now make sure to cut her a slice and put it on her desk before the others devour it all.) Husband got a birthday cake but no birthday money (and June was our first month, so we didn't even know we were supposed to get birthday money until several months later). I brought it up last month to the Korean teacher who is in charge of birthdays, and she assured me that she would give both of us our money on my birthday...and then she forgot to give me my birthday money, too. I had to ask again at the end of the month to get it. On top of that, because the kinder birthday party was held on my birthday, I didn't get a birthday cake - we just ate the kinder cake.
Some of this may seem like splitting hairs, but when we all put in money every month, I feel like it's important that everyone should get what they are (supposedly) entitled to.
And then there was the Chuseok gift. Every year for Chuseok (the Korean Thanksgiving), the school president and director present us all with W100,000 gift certificates to Lotte stores (which includes a series of fast food restaurants, department stores, and grocery stores). In return, it has become tradition for all of the teachers to contribute W25,000 to purchase a really nice gift for them. Again, it seems nice on principle, but most of us just balked at the pointlessness of it - why not just subtract our expected contribution and give us the difference? Better yet, why not scrap it all and call it even?
A lot of this goes back to cultural clash, I think - while those of us from North America take pride in being frugal, Koreans make a show of being generous with gifts and expensive food - anything less, and you are seen as cheap, which is a huge no-no here. Whenever our school provides food for dinners or luncheons for special occasions, we are constantly reminded of how expensive the food is, which feels really weird to us. Obviously, we understand that it is culturally expected here, but to be confronted very matter-of-factly with something considered extremely rude back home makes it feel very awkward, and hollow.
To be fair, though, we all have our own holiday rituals that we perform without even thinking every year: Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas dinners, obligatory Christmas gifts for extended cousins and coworkers, and the annual Christmas letter that hsa to be worded just right and goes out to everyone in your ever-growing address book. The holidays have become a time when we make sure that everyone who gave us a gift gets one in return and that everyone gets a politically-correct "Happy Holidays" card (since "Merry Christmas" is now considered passe and, by some, bigoted).
Oh, the joys. Personally, I am just grateful to be celebrating the season with a group of coworkers that has become my family away from home.
In other news, our contract extension addendum is sitting on our coffee table as I type this. We are scheduled to meet with our school director before class tomorrow to sign it, which will extend our contract to January 29, 2014. In the meantime, we will be making tentative plans for our post-teaching travels. Suggestions are welcome and encouraged.
The foreign head teacher gave a short speech and ended with the exhortation for the Korean English teachers and the foreign teachers to be closer in the coming year. As if on cue, at the end of the night our company president handed my boss an envelope of cash for all of us to go to noraebang (a.k.a. karaoke) together after dinner. At which point five of the Korean teachers produced some excuse to not stick around and promptly split. All nine foreign teachers, the three new Korean teachers, our boss, and two other Korean teachers wound up going to a huge noraebang room and ordering a bunch of alcohol. Husband promptly split (he hates noraebang), and I followed about 45 minutes later. (I waited until my boss, who has a sick two-year-old at home, left.) I think the rest of the group dispersed about an hour after that.
While I understand that the thought is very generous, I am not sure why it doesn't occur to our company president that we might already have plans for a Saturday night, especially the one before Christmas. Then again, I know I should be grateful - most of the other hagwon teachers in town are amazed that we get a Christmas dinner at all.
Still, I wish it came with awareness of food safety and hygiene.
Our school administration works very hard to try to make sure that all of the teachers (foreign and Korean) mingle and mesh well. Some things work better than others, and some people mesh better than others, but we as foreign teachers are often not quite sure what to make of it. Korea (very similar to Japan) has a huge gift-giving culture, so pretty much any holiday is an excuse to give gifts to family, friends, coworkers, and crushes. There are some really interesting "holidays" to illustrate this point. For example, we all know Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday back home to give flowers, chocolates, and other goodies.
In Japan and Korea, Valentine's Day is a holiday for women to give men chocolates, but they created a companion holiday on March 14 - "White Day" - for men to return the favor and buy chocolates for women. Korea, however, took it a step further and invented "Black Day" for single people to eat noodles with jjajang (Chinese black sauce).
And then there's Pepero Day, which is celebrated on November 11 by giving everyone you know boxes of Pepero sticks. Pepero (a copy of the Japanese "Pocky" sticks) are long, thin crackers (hence why they are given on the date 11/11) that are dipped in chocolate and sold in boxes of about 20 or so. They are deceptively innocuous - their small size and thin layer of chocolate eliminates any guilt you may feel about eating sweets, until you realize that you've consumed four boxes in one sitting (true story!). The only purpose whatsoever that this "holiday" serves is to give people way more cookies than anyone should ever eat, and to increase sales for Lotte, the Korean mega-corporation that makes them (and probably invented the holiday in the first place).
Teacher, what?
One thing that our school does (and I'm pretty sure we're the only school in the city that does this) is collect money for major life events of staff members. Every time someone gets married or has a death in the family, money is collected from everyone at the school (teachers, secretaries, and bus drivers alike) and presented to that person. They request W30,000 (about $30) from each Korean staff member, and W15,000 from each foreign teacher. I guess they charge us half because we are strangers in a strange land, but they still want to include us in the collection to make us all more cohesive. However, this year we had (I think) four weddings and one funeral, which totaled to about $150 between US. The flip side of this is that we are always welcome to attend and eat at the buffet in the wedding hall for free (and all of us almost always do), but it can still get irritating at times, because we usually would rather be excluded and just hold onto the cash. Not only that, but the Koreans usually find it strange that we would want to attend, and they don't understand that we see it as getting our money's worth.
Another thing that we do, that seems like a good idea on principle, is have a birthday collection. Every other month, we each contribute W10,000 to the birthday fund, which is used to buy a cake once a month and give W20,000 as birthday money for everyone enjoying a birthday that month. Unfortunately, this isn't always put into practice flawlessly. For example, one of my coworkers didn't even get any of her birthday cake, because the cake was brought in right before she had to go to class, and everyone else ate the whole thing before she got back. (Because of this, I now make sure to cut her a slice and put it on her desk before the others devour it all.) Husband got a birthday cake but no birthday money (and June was our first month, so we didn't even know we were supposed to get birthday money until several months later). I brought it up last month to the Korean teacher who is in charge of birthdays, and she assured me that she would give both of us our money on my birthday...and then she forgot to give me my birthday money, too. I had to ask again at the end of the month to get it. On top of that, because the kinder birthday party was held on my birthday, I didn't get a birthday cake - we just ate the kinder cake.
Some of this may seem like splitting hairs, but when we all put in money every month, I feel like it's important that everyone should get what they are (supposedly) entitled to.
And then there was the Chuseok gift. Every year for Chuseok (the Korean Thanksgiving), the school president and director present us all with W100,000 gift certificates to Lotte stores (which includes a series of fast food restaurants, department stores, and grocery stores). In return, it has become tradition for all of the teachers to contribute W25,000 to purchase a really nice gift for them. Again, it seems nice on principle, but most of us just balked at the pointlessness of it - why not just subtract our expected contribution and give us the difference? Better yet, why not scrap it all and call it even?
A lot of this goes back to cultural clash, I think - while those of us from North America take pride in being frugal, Koreans make a show of being generous with gifts and expensive food - anything less, and you are seen as cheap, which is a huge no-no here. Whenever our school provides food for dinners or luncheons for special occasions, we are constantly reminded of how expensive the food is, which feels really weird to us. Obviously, we understand that it is culturally expected here, but to be confronted very matter-of-factly with something considered extremely rude back home makes it feel very awkward, and hollow.
To be fair, though, we all have our own holiday rituals that we perform without even thinking every year: Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas dinners, obligatory Christmas gifts for extended cousins and coworkers, and the annual Christmas letter that hsa to be worded just right and goes out to everyone in your ever-growing address book. The holidays have become a time when we make sure that everyone who gave us a gift gets one in return and that everyone gets a politically-correct "Happy Holidays" card (since "Merry Christmas" is now considered passe and, by some, bigoted).
Oh, the joys. Personally, I am just grateful to be celebrating the season with a group of coworkers that has become my family away from home.
In other news, our contract extension addendum is sitting on our coffee table as I type this. We are scheduled to meet with our school director before class tomorrow to sign it, which will extend our contract to January 29, 2014. In the meantime, we will be making tentative plans for our post-teaching travels. Suggestions are welcome and encouraged.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Saint Nick/São Nicolau
Some days, teaching children makes me feel like this.
The caption of this photo from Facebook reads:
After becoming Bishop of Bari, St. Nicholas was imprisoned and tortured during the persecution of Emperor Diocletian (303-313). After his release, the aged bishop participated in the Council of Nicea (325), where he is said to have walked across the room to slap the face of Arius, the arch-heretic who denied Jesus' divinity. By all accounts, St. Nicholas held firmly to the orthodox faith, while showing gentleness to his flock, whose souls he perceived as threatened by the poison of Arius' false teaching. In sum, St. Nicholas showed himself to be what my latinist friend calls "episcopus cum testiculi" (for which a colorful alliterative translation suggests itself).
That's a "bishop with balls" for those of you who are less Latin-inclined.
Happy Feast Day of Saint Nicholas!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Birthday Love/Amor no meu aniversário
So my 27th birthday has come and gone. My birthday has never been something I have particularly looked forward to; aside from a few small parties thrown by my family (and once by my college roommates my sophomore year), most of the time people just forget it entirely. My birthday always falls right around Thanksgiving (and every few years, like this one, actually lands on Turkey Day), so all throughout high school my friends would either overlook the day or not be able to do anything because of the school vacation. By the time I got to college, I just quit telling people, because they would inevitably be back home with their families, and celebrating it a week late just seemed pointless. I expected it to be no different this year, so I prepared to enter my late twenties in a slightly depressed emotional state with little to no fanfare, continuing the relentlessly dull march toward thirty, old age, and my eventual grave. (And yes, I am a naturally cheerful person.)
Luckily for me, I was quite mistaken.
The day started off with a "surprise" party in my Korean class (I say surprise because my Korean teacher told my classmates that they would throw me a "surprise party" when I told him about my birthday the Tuesday before). It was very sweet: he bought an entire cake from Paris Baguette (a chain bakery prevalent in Asia), and one of the other students brought his guitar for them to sing to me.
My coworkers are very perceptive people; frankly, even if they weren't, spending seven hours a day in the same building with zero privacy outside of the bathroom makes moods incredibly contagious. They picked up pretty early on that I was feeling melancholy about my upcoming coming-of-age day, so I guess they schemed among themselves about how to cheer my countenance. When I arrived at work on Thursday, this was waiting for me on my desk:
Some close-ups:
My mother-in-law sent these two cards, which (miraculously) arrived precisely on time on Thursday.
To top it all off, the Kinder monthly birthday party was that day, too, so I actually got to eat the Kinder cake on my birthday. Woo!
The festivities didn't end with my coworkers, either. My first class of the day, English World 4 (English World is the first series of books when the kids start the program; these are our youngest kids, around age 7) threw me a little party. When I got to the top of the stairs on the way to class, the girls in the class greeted me and asked me to close my eyes, which I did. They took my basket and my CD player and led me by the hand to the classroom. I was then told to sit down while they arranged my gifts on the table in front of me.
"Open!"
"No, no, no!" (I kept my eyes closed.)
"One, two, three-"
"No, no, no!" (I waited.)
After some more chattering in Korean, they finally agreed to let me open my eyes. I opened them to a collection of candies, notes, and a little gift bag. Here are my spoils from the little ones:
That night, several of my coworkers took me out to dinner (Japanese food!) and then we headed downtown for a few drinks afterward. We met up with one of Joel's friends from another hagwon and spent a few hours just chatting while Joel and some of the others played darts. It was lovely.
And the birthday festivities didn't stop on my birthday, either! The next day, several of my MWF classes brought snacks to celebrate. The most interesting gift by far, however, wasn't even a birthday gift. In my Carnival 5 class, one chapter went over major family events (e.g. family reunion, wedding, funeral, birthday, baby shower), and one of the vocabulary words was "wedding anniversary," so I explained it with the most readily available example - mine. One of the girls apparently was so impressed by this that she actually bought Joel and I an anniversary gift - well before our anniversary.
Friday night ended on a good note when my last middle school class of the night put this together for me:
I now have all of the notes under the glass cover on my desk so that I can be continually reminded of all of the love I got on my birthday.
Honestly, it was probably the best birthday abroad I could have asked for. You guys sure do know how to make a girl feel special.
I thought I would take some time to write and reminisce about my awesome birthday to help make me feel better. Frankly, it has been a less-than-stellar past few days. We are at a point where we have to decide whether or not we are going to extend our contract, and for how long, so we are thinking pretty hard and actively making contingency plans. There is a lot that is up in the air, so any prayers - or just positive energy - that you could send our way would be great. Meanwhile, Joel will continue to relieve stress by killing aliens on Halo, while I continue to do so by cleaning, putting puzzles together...and writing.
Until next time.
Luckily for me, I was quite mistaken.
The day started off with a "surprise" party in my Korean class (I say surprise because my Korean teacher told my classmates that they would throw me a "surprise party" when I told him about my birthday the Tuesday before). It was very sweet: he bought an entire cake from Paris Baguette (a chain bakery prevalent in Asia), and one of the other students brought his guitar for them to sing to me.
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| 고마워요,선생님! |
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| Yes, that is my fabulously organized desk behind all of my goodies. |
 |
| From the Canadian-Minnesotan couple. |
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| From the Texas roommates. |
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| From the Canadian. |
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| From the Texas Tech alum. |
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| From the foreign head teacher. |
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| From the SFASA Alum. |
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| Impeccable timing, Joel's mom! |
The festivities didn't end with my coworkers, either. My first class of the day, English World 4 (English World is the first series of books when the kids start the program; these are our youngest kids, around age 7) threw me a little party. When I got to the top of the stairs on the way to class, the girls in the class greeted me and asked me to close my eyes, which I did. They took my basket and my CD player and led me by the hand to the classroom. I was then told to sit down while they arranged my gifts on the table in front of me.
"Open!"
"No, no, no!" (I kept my eyes closed.)
"One, two, three-"
"No, no, no!" (I waited.)
After some more chattering in Korean, they finally agreed to let me open my eyes. I opened them to a collection of candies, notes, and a little gift bag. Here are my spoils from the little ones:
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| Leah's and Noah's notes. Noah has a minor obsession with Angry Birds. |
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| Bonny's note. She probably got help from her dad. |
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| The green bear and the pen were both from Noah. |
And the birthday festivities didn't stop on my birthday, either! The next day, several of my MWF classes brought snacks to celebrate. The most interesting gift by far, however, wasn't even a birthday gift. In my Carnival 5 class, one chapter went over major family events (e.g. family reunion, wedding, funeral, birthday, baby shower), and one of the vocabulary words was "wedding anniversary," so I explained it with the most readily available example - mine. One of the girls apparently was so impressed by this that she actually bought Joel and I an anniversary gift - well before our anniversary.
 |
| Those are real flowers in the box, too. |
 |
| A close-up of the snow globe. |
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| The whole shebang. |
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| A tower of Choco Pies and lollipops. The cake on the right is from Paris Baguette. |
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| The note. |
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| The white board, decorated with my partner-teacher's markers. |
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| They put glass plates over all of the tables and desks here. It's a little weird, but it also provides great decorating opportunities. |
I thought I would take some time to write and reminisce about my awesome birthday to help make me feel better. Frankly, it has been a less-than-stellar past few days. We are at a point where we have to decide whether or not we are going to extend our contract, and for how long, so we are thinking pretty hard and actively making contingency plans. There is a lot that is up in the air, so any prayers - or just positive energy - that you could send our way would be great. Meanwhile, Joel will continue to relieve stress by killing aliens on Halo, while I continue to do so by cleaning, putting puzzles together...and writing.
Until next time.
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